Where to go from here…

I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Tornado and spaceship dreams. But the tornado dream involved Keith Urban, and he can be my natural disaster buddy anyday… I tossed and turned all night, dreaming of various things, snipets of subconcious mixed with reality. And when I woke up, I was sad. Sad to be here. Sad to have to go to work and teach today. Sad that I have no idea what I’m doing.

Everyday I come up with another idea of what to do with my life. And everyday that idea seems better than the last one. And everyday I am disappointed because I don’t really think I like the idea. I feel so confused. I feel like I should know what I want to be doing, getting to the end of the school path and be on the verge of getting that great job that’s going to make me want to get up everyday.

What doesn’t help is that everybody has these ideas of what I should do. “Don’t waste your time doing that.” “Don’t you want a masters degree?” “You should move back to Saskatchewan.” And it goes on and on and on. It’s to the point where right now I am so utterly confused that I have no idea what I want to do anymore. And that frustrates me. I’ve always been the girl with the plan, the girl who knew what she wanted and went after it. Things are so unsettling right now.

The one things that is starting to settle right now is my voice. I had a really great lesson on Wednesday, a breakthrough of sorts. The technique my teacher has been trying to get me to trust is now starting to work. It’s amazing, actually. This is good, because in 2 weeks, I’m going to be participating in a workshop with Isabel Bayrakdarian, leading Canadian soprano in the world right now. And that frightens me. I hate masterclasses; you’re always being judged. Which is what I feel like right now. Judged. By everyone, everything, and most of all, by myself.

Maybe it’s because a lot of my friends are 5 to 10 years older than me, have jobs, and are settled. But I need to remember that I’m still only 23. I don’t have to have it all figured out yet. On the other hand, it would be nice to at least have an idea…

The future looks foggy. Misty. Hazy. Like at night, my dreams are contorted and twisted right now. I need to find some light…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Slaw

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

The Snap – CFL.ca

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

Mental Floss

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

The Hairpin

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

Visual News

Content that educates, engages, and inspires.

stuff antonia says.

lipstick, sacraments, espresso, & grace. not necessarily in that order.

Rage Against the Minivan

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

The Weekly Sift

making sense of the news one week at a time

Peter Enns

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

Lainey Gossip Articles

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

TheCourt.ca

THE COURT is the online resource for debate & data about the Supreme Court of Canada

Crumbs from the Communion Table

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

David Akin’s On the Hill

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

Blog - Elizabeth Esther

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

Experimental Theology

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

gailvazoxlade.com

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

Love is an Orientation

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

The Atlantic

My ramblings on life, politics, sports and other things.

%d bloggers like this: