I really don’t have anything to say. I’m just avoiding homework.
I’m watching Entertainment Tonight right now. Why? I don’t know. They’re showing Anna Nicole Smith’s C-section. This is news? Anna Nicole’s speech is quite slurred in this video. Hmmm…
Now we’re on to Brad Pitt. He’s back in Hollywood to premiere his latest movie, ‘Babel’. I want to see the movie. It has lots of buzz. And Cate Blanchett is in the movie. I love her.
And now we’re on to Desperate Housewives. I watched the supermarket shooting last night. It’s the 2nd episode I’ve watched this season, and I probably won’t watch anymore. I mostly just wanted to see who died. Cruel? Yes. But it’s just a TV show.
Tom Cruise wedding update. Jim Carrey is on the guest list. Woo hoo. He would be an interesting wedding reception Master of Ceremonies, though…
Demi Moore. She’s being interviewed about her upcoming movie, ‘Bobby’. It’s a movie directed by Emilio Estevez. It got a lot of critical acclaim at the Toronto International Film Festival if I’m correct. And Moore sings. Based on the clip, I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Oh no. Another ‘investigation’ into the world of not-so-pretty women. Do we really have to see this? I think we all know what’s going to happen. First, Vanessa Minillo is dressed as a blonde, then as an overweight brunette with braces. Can you say, ‘sensationalism’?
And now we’re into commericals. Thank goodness. But after the break we’re going to be treated to Sara Evans, Kirstie Alley and the actual birth of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. I could really just watch the Life network if I wanted to see that.
And we’re back. That Borat movie was first at the box office this weekend. I have no idea what it’s about.
Sara Evans. She’s singing at the Country Music Association Awards tonight. I hope she’s better than she was at the last awards show she sang at. Wow, she was brutal. Off-key. It was painful.
Nicole Ritchie was spotted this weekend. Has she put on weight? Can’t tell.
CSI: Miami gets more gruesome. A guy loses his head during a drag race. I won’t be watching.
Mark Burnett now has an online competition. It’s called Gold Rush. Okay. Will this reality stuff ever end? Ooh, Kevin Federline makes an appearance as a clue. Wow. He’s a terrible rapper.
Yet another commerical break. After the break we’ll watch the Naked News broadcast from the Brooklyn Bridge, Kirstie Alley in a bikini on Oprah, and at last (oh I’m SOOOO excited [sarcasm]), we’ll see Anna Nicole Smith give birth.
I have to say, I’d rather watch E-Talk than ET. But I’ll only watch E-Talk if Ben Mulroney is nowhere around. Tanya Kim is a far better host. She doesn’t fidget.
I HATE the ‘hands-in-my-pockets’ commercials. More sensationalism. Let’s just see how weird we can be. I’m not impressed.
Now we’re on to Kirstie Alley. She’s flaunting her new body on Oprah. You know, good for her that she’s lost the weight, but if any woman thinks it’s that easy, she’s wrong. Alley had a personal trainer, personal diet consultant, and on and on.
And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for – a baby! It must be a slow news day. Her skin is orange. That can’t be right. And she doesn’t want the incision to affect her tatoo. Now Anna Nicole is watching the tape of the birth. She says, “It felt like God and Jesus were playing tug-of-war with the devil and my insides” (paraphrase). You know, Anna Nicole is freaking out on the tape, and if I was her, I would have popped my spouse, throwing that videocamera across the room. Pay attention to her! She’s having your baby! Wow, they used a big forceps to pull the baby’s head out. That can’t be good. This has been a five-minute feature, and I’m completely turned off childbirth. I want lots and lots of drugs when I have my kids. But wait – tomorrow we’re going to observe the first moments of Anna Nicole and her baby. Bring it on!
Another break. Hopefully the last one. I can’t take this anymore. But I’m going to get through this. I really need to have some supper. I haven’t eaten anything since 10:00 this morning. Not sure how that happened.
Not another Christmas commercial. It’s WAY too early. Put them away! I love Christmas, but the commercials should wait at least until American Thanksgiving.
Hey! There’s Warren Dean, Global weatherguy with the world’s most useless invention – a leaf-blower! Why pay $200 for something that blows air? Get a rake!
Aw, it’s Sally Field’s birthday today. Happy 60th Sally!
The Naked News on the Brooklyn Bridge. Apparently the Naked News phenomenon came from Canada. Aren’t I proud. And why aren’t there any naked guys?
Mary Hart and Mark Steines have signed off. Don’t forget, there’s more Anna Nicole Smith tomorrow!
I’m sorry if you’ve actually read this blog. I’m almost ashamed I wrote it. Oh well. Now I REALLY need to get to work. This is Nicole Hamm, reporting for Nicola’s Stage.blogspot.com., signing off…