Okay, gang. Here goes. The following is a theory compiled by myself, with much help from Charmaine, who gave the theory a name. I would like to thank Charmaine for her continual support through this endeavour.
“Walls of Walmart Coolness” Theory
This theory espouses the idea that men and women who work together within the confines of Walmart are more attracted to each other inside of those walls than outside of them.
This behaviour increases in, and is directly correlated to the spring and summer months, when the flowers are blooming, the trees are budding, and the bees are buzzing – and the Garden Center is opening!
The sight of young men in shorts, baring their white skinny legs, makes the women of Walmart swoon. It is the first sight of flesh in months, and causes hearts to pitter-patter.
Because of the close proximity of Walmart co-workers to each other and the store’s principles of teamwork, workers are forced to spend countless hours together, zoning, stocking shelves and helping customers. It is completely understandable that these conditions create the perfect environment in which to begin a relationship, as co-workers chat with each other whilst completing their assigned tasks.
Men and women begin to tease each other. Females shamlessly flirt with the ‘no tank tops’ rule, wearing capped sleeves. Men wear shorts to seduce their female colleagues.
The problem occurs when a man and woman decide to explore their new relationship outside of Walmart. It is at this point that the relationship often begins to fizzle.
The cause of this ‘diminished coolness’ or, also known as a loss of attraction, is a lack of common ground beyond work. Outside of Walmart, a couple often has nothing to speak of, as their experiences have been shared during the workday. There are only so many times one can recount the joys of counting tills.
Therefore, maintaining a relationship outside of the Walmart sphere of influence requires a conscious effort on the part of both men and women to broaden their horizons and take up activities which do not have attachments to Walmart. This may be difficult, as Walmart is the world’s largest transnational corporation, but with determination and focus, it is possible! Take on new hobbies. Go new places. Go and do anything where you can avoid your colleagues as much as humanly possible.
But not all is bad! Do not let the ‘walls of Walmart’ confine your dating life. Feel free to reach out to both your colleagues and customers and consider them as possible dating options. Remember the 3 meter rule. You never know – your ‘smile and greet’ may attract your own customer satisfaction!