"Rehab"

Now and then I confess you cross my mind
Now and then I guess I have a little too much time
I’ve changed my way of thinking
I’ve tried hard to separate what came too soon
From what came too late

I don’t think about me in terms of you
I don’t think about you in terms of us
I don’t think about us in terms of love
I don’t think about then in terms of now
I found a way to start again somehow
I don’t think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love

I’m countin’ on heaven to understand
I didn’t mean to go and mess up all the plans
Sometimes you know where you should go
Before you know the way
I’ll bother with tomorrow
Once I made it through today

I don’t think about me in terms of you
I don’t think about you in terms of us
I don’t think about us in terms of love
I don’t think about then in terms of now
I found a way to start again somehow
I don’t think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love

I don’t think about black in terms of grey
Or revelations in the light of day
I don’t think about cold in terms of ice
Or second chances happenin’ twice

I don’t think about me in terms of you
I don’t think about you in terms of us
I don’t think about us in terms of love
I don’t think about then in terms of now
I found a way to start again somehow
I don’t think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love

I can’t explain why, but I found myself humming this song tonight. I haven’t heard it in months, yet somehow it found its way into my foremost thoughts. It’s a beautiful melody that goes hand in hand with lyrics that aren’t poetic, yet more than practical. For some reason this song strikes a chord with me at this moment…
It was a very quiet Christmas and New Year’s for me. As I grow older, I’m learning that I much prefer (and maybe need) solitude and silence during the holidays in order to recuperate from the rush of the months beforehand. This year I feel that time was cut particularly short, as school starts again tomorrow, two weeks since I wrote my last final exam.
Do I have any resolutions? Not really. I used to sit down on New Year’s Eve, journal in hand, and write lists of things I resolved to fix, as if I was some horrid person in need of a complete metamorphosis. And every year, those lists would fail to inspire any action. The next year I would do the same, a useless exercise I perpetuated annually for some inexplicable reason.
This year, I did no such thing. I did not even watch a New Year’s-themed show. I spent it with one of my closest friends, talking and laughing about our current trials and tribulations. It was one of the best New Year’s I’ve had.
There was something beautiful in the simplicity of it. I wasn’t marking time, visibly looking at turning the calendar. Time simply continued. I did not make any resolutions.
If I do resolve to do anything, it is to continue as I am. Are there things about myself that I’d like to change? Of course; I wouldn’t be human if there weren’t. But I don’t need the beginning of a new year in order to do those things. And those changes I’d like to make are really a continuation of other changes I’ve already made.
So what am I trying to say? Succinctly: I’m going to stay the course this year and see what it brings.
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