"Don’t Waste Your Time"

So I woke up this morning, sat down with my apple juice and toast and turned on the TV. And what did I see? Possibly the weirdest thing ever: Newt Gingrich sitting at the table, a floral coffeecup in front of him, gossiping and chatting with the ladies of ‘The View.’ Completely surreal. The other weird thing? He was stumping for Hillary Clinton! I changed the channel and visibly shivered.
But I was comforted and felt the world shift back to its regular axis when I saw him on ‘The Daily Show’ tonight with Jon Stewart. Whew! Things felt better and more normal. They had a good discussion about the Rev. Wright controversy. He pushed John McCain. He actually had a few good one-liners.
But two other comments made the show. The first was Supreme Court Justice Scalia denying that torture was a form of punishment. Yeah right. The second? Stewart had a segment on abstinence-only education in the US and how it really does nothing; comprehensive sex education would be much better, since the kids would be informed about having safe sex, rather than just being told not to have it. But that’s a subject for another day. Anyway, Stewart said this is the way abstinence-only education talks to teens: “Boys have a God-stick and girls have a shame cave.” Now I LMAO for several minutes following that one. Actually, it’s not funny because it’s rife with gender biases, but its context, phrasing and word choice are what made it possibly the funniest thing I’ve heard from Stewart in months.

And what’s going on in the political sphere this side of the border?

Well, Bloc leader Gilles Duceppe said possibly the most true/funniest statement/best smackdown that’s come out of the House of Commons in months (possibly years or decades, but who cares, right?). Yeesh – apparently surrealism travels fast…

Anyway, the PM was crying and moaning, like usual, that the entire world is against him. Especially Elections Canada. At least right now. Tomorrow the media might be on the top of Steve’s ‘hit list,’ but right now it’s definitely Elections Canada. Aaron Wherry of Maclean’s, who covers the House of Commons everyday in his appropriately-titled blog, ‘The Commons,’ summed it up like this:

Ah yes. The great conspiracy. Essentially, if you are not with this government, you are aligned against it. Oliver Stone is less paranoid than this bunch. Enemies lurk everywhere, though strangely most have consolidated in the public service… Still, the twisted fantasies of these self-styled martyrs are at least preferable to—or at least more entertaining than—the twisted logic they otherwise rely on… Circular logic at its most nauseating. This government has used confusion and misdirection quite effectively in the past—their predilection for obfuscation outlasting even the most noble of critics—and they may yet succeed here too. At least so long as you consider public apathy akin to success.

Oh those Conservatives. They think the world is against them. And I have personal proof of this. I encountered one around this time last year. I asked this certain MP what it was like being on the Government side of the House as oppossed to being on the Opposition side. He didn’t answer my question. He just went on and on and on about how the media and everyone else doesn’t want them to succeed.

Two things are keeping the Conservatives in government right now: the fact that the public could care less about politics and the inability of the Liberals to capitalize on Conservative missteps. It’s unfortunate, really. Chretien or Trudeau would have had Harper on his knees begging for mercy by now.
But back to Gilles Duceppe (when does anyone say THAT?). After Steve finished his crying and whining, Duceppe yelled, “Au royaume de l’hypocrisie, le premier ministre est le roi.” In the kingdom of hypocrisy, the Prime Minister is king. And then he asked Steve if he was going to sue him.
Hee! SIT DOWN Steven Harper!!
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