"Maybe This Time"


So today I did nothing but try to sleep and watch TV.

No wonder I feel so lazy.

I work overnight tonight and tomorrow night, and then Saturday and Sunday night before I start LAW SCHOOL!!

However, there is that little matter of a thesis to deal with first.

I have lost any and all interest in Thesis (I decided to turn the thesis into a person. Makes it easier to talk about). While I have no experience with relationships, I think my relationship to Thesis is akin to one. It started out with both trepidation and excitement. Then the excitement waned, I felt comfortable and things just continued on. Then I was too settled; other things came along and I stood Thesis up on many occasions and turned my attention towards other things/people. And now I want nothing to do with Thesis. I would really like to breakup.

I’ve been thinking about ‘why’ for the past couple of days instead of actually working on Thesis. After much thought, I realized ‘why’: I don’t care about the conclusion of Thesis.

Let me explain. Or try to.

I still find myself interested in Arctic affairs. When I started, I thought Thesis was going to be about why the Canadian government continually ignores a region that encompasses 1/3 of its landmass. But along the way, Thesis morphed into a study of Canada-US relations, something I’m not as passionate about as I used to be. While I used to focus on Canada-US relations, I now find myself more concerned with internal Canadian politics. And I even find it difficult to get excited about that these days due to the ridiculousness that passes for ‘politics’ these days.

In other words, idealistic me has been beaten into submission by realistic me. And when that happens, idealistic me revolts.

It also doesn’t help that I’m very good at starting projects but suck at finishing them.

And that I don’t know when I’ll finish Thesis now that I’m going into law school. The College of Graduate Studies and Research hasn’t given me any guidance.

I’m going to try very hard to finish my first ‘official’ draft of Thesis (I say ‘official’ because the chapters have already gone through various drafts themselves) before September 1st.

After that, it’s law school and nothing but. I’m sure Thesis and I will rekindle our relationship next spring.

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