I don’t like not knowing something.
It ticks me off.
It frustrates me.
It makes me feel stupid.
I was one of those kids who pretty much refused to ask questions because God forbid I look silly or stupid.
I believe my bluff has now been called.
I’ve spent the past three weeks going to work every single day knowing that I would be handed a file that I would have no idea what to do with. Or I’d be asked to do research and have no idea where to start. I’ve already made a bunch of mistakes, been asked to fix things, and have felt downright stupid on more than a few occasions. But it’s getting a lot easier to just say “No, I don’t know…”
This is pretty big for me. I like certainty. I like knowing everything. And I like being right. All of those qualities are being challenged right now and it’s okay. I’m surviving, I’m learning, and I’m growing anyway.
Luckily, I’m surrounded by a great group of colleagues who understand what it feels like to be in my position and are happy to explain things. Even more than once.
Sure there are still moments when I feel completely out of my element, but I’m a lot more secure in trying new things and giving it my best shot, and I’m getting less and less trepidatious about falling flat on my face…
…for now. Ask me how I feel when I actually have to appear in front of a judge next month.